Dialogue With My Superego

(The following was written shortly after returning from the bookstore, where I purchased a "For Dummies" computer book. Struggling with the decision over whether I should spend twenty-five dollars to buy a book that, although potentially useful, was not a planned expense, I engaged in a series of mental gymnastics and gnashing of teeth that one might have thought might only be reserved for the decision over whether or not to buy a house, or maybe a small island. This was written to my friend Dan Vaughn in an email, as he was privy to much of my anguished debate over the subject.)

"Daddy, Daddy, can I buy this $25 book?"

"$25? Now come on, Son. Tell me the truth. Are you going to feed it?"

"Yes, Daddy. Every day!"

"Are you going to take care of it?"

"Oh, YES Daddy. Of course I'm going to take care of it. I'm gonna treat it REAL good!"

(Skeptically) "Mmmhmmmm. You remember the LAST time you bought a $25 book, don't you, Son?"

"Uh,....yeah....?"

"Do you? It seems to ME that you didn't take care of it, and your Mother and I had to read it FOR you."

"Uh....well...?"

"You didn't feed it. You didn't change it's water dish. It pooped all over the house. I ended up having to clean up after it all the time. Your sister nearly slipped and broke her neck."

"Well...."

"That poor $25 book had to fend for itself. You let it get bone skinny. It was having to hunt for rats in the back yard just to stay alive. And it nearly died of dehydration."

(Barely Audible) "Uh...."

"You remember that cereal with the clown on the box that you wanted to have? You swore up and down to me that you would eat it all. I TOLD you that you weren't going to eat cereal with marshmallows in it, because YOU told me before that you didn't like cereal with marshmallows in it."

"But what does that have to do with...?"

(Stern look and finger wagging) "Don't talk back to me, Son."

"Yes, sir."

"Didn't I tell you that the only reason you wanted to buy the cereal with the clown on the box was for the little toy clownmobile prize inside the box."

"Uh...."

"And didn't I tell you that you were never going to FINISH that box of cereal."

"I ate SOME of it."

"You ate ONE damn bowl. Just enough to give the APPEARANCE that you were going to eat it. We had to throw that box of cereal away!"

(Sniffles) "That was thirty-five years ago."

"There are people in China who would have given their right arm for that box of cereal. And it just goes out the window."

"You threw the garbage out the window?"

"Don't get smart with me, Boy."

"Hey, I'm not a boy. I'm a man."

"You sure don't ACT like a man."

"I'm in my FORTIES!"

"Maturity does not necessarily come with age."

"Well, you got that one right. But, nevertheless, I'm a grown man in my forties, and I don't have to listen to you if you're giving me bad advice."

"Bad advice? Now listen to me young man."

"No wait a minute. YOU listen! You're not even my Father. My Father is a good, decent man who would do anything for his Son, if he thought it would help him improve his life."

"Well..."

"My Father would trust my judgment, right or wrong, especially if I could honestly tell him that what I was about to do I believed to be the right thing."

"Well, okay..."

"He would probably even BUY this book FOR me, if I honestly told him that I thought I could benefit from it."

"I imagine...."

"So, YOU are not my Father. You are just some negative voice in my head that serves no function...."

"I wouldn't say NO function..."

"You're just snippets of ancient conversations that are fading, half-remembered memories, recorded on the magnetic tape of a childish brain."

"Hey, that's not bad."

"Really? You think?"

"Make sure you write it down."

"Yeah, okay...(writes, then resumes) You're a nay-sayer. You serve no function."

"Hold on. I'm not always a nay-sayer. And you are mistaken if you think I serve NO function."

"Well...."

"If you can HONESTLY tell me that this book can be useful...?"

"Well, yes. There are no guarantees in life, but, yes, I think so. This is a subject that I need to learn about. It could be useful to me, possibly even profitable down the road."

"And you're going to feed it and give it water?"

"...yes? Okay, are we speaking metaphorically, now?"

"If you want. And you will clean up after it?"

"Okay, you are REALLY starting to get on my nerves."

"Hey, it YOUR metaphor. Are you going to clean up after it?"

"....Yes, I'm going to clean up after it."

"And you're not just getting it for the prize inside?"

"There is no prize. And even if there were, I'm a man in my forties; I think I can make that decision on my own."

(Thinks about it) "Fair enough. Okay, you decide."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. You don't need my permission."

"You know. I guess you're right. I DON'T. (Deep sigh. Examines book. Weighs pros and cons.) I think I'm going to get it."

"Fair enough."

"You know, YOU could buy it for me."

"Like you said. I'm not your Father. But nice try."

"Well, you know. I couldn't resist. I'm going to go pay for this now."

"Good luck. See you again, later."

"Yeah, I guess so. Take care."

"I always do."

(I leave to go pay for the book. Superego walks up to the counter and orders a Venti Mocha Frappacino with Whipped Cream and a Key Lime Cheesecake and sits down to eat. Id walks up to Superego's table and sits down.)

Id

Damn boy. You eat all that and you never gain weight. I grab some strange girl's ass, and all Hell breaks loose.

Superego

Hey, Id. So how's it going?

Id

Not too bad. I just ran into Ed as he was on his way to the cash register. We were looking at some sixteen year old girls and having impure thoughts. But then he turned away and practically ran for the check out counter. What's up with him?

Superego

He's LEARRRRRNING. (Smiles to himself and takes another bite of the Key Lime Cheesecake.)

Curtain

Welcome to Edland

Living in Edland can be a daunting experience.  Having little of consequence to say and yet wanting so very much to say it can be troubling at best.  Actually, in making such a self-deprecating statement, I run the risk of having too many people agreeing with my self-assessment, when in fact I don't actually hold that opinion of myself.  If I truly had nothing to say, would I be here?  (Long pause)  Don't answer that.  

People who advise on such matters often say that for a blog to be successful, it ought to have a purpose. There ought to be a specific focus.  Is this a literary blog?  A political blog?  A forum for stories or poems?  A place to post reviews?  The answer of course is yes.  The uniting idea therefore reverts to the personality.  I become the "unifying" principle.  (I've always wanted to be a unifying principle.)  The "idea" behind the blog is me.  So, Welcome to EdLand.

Now having said all this, I am sincerely hoping that vanity and self-absorption do not take over, translating into a series of diary entries about the minutia of my day to day life.  And I'd like to think that if they do, I will be able to tie that minutia into some greater idea, (e.g. I picked up my prescriptions today; the cost of healthcare is sky high.)  I'd like to think that I'd do so more artfully than my example suggests, but you get the idea.  

So what can you expect Dear Reader from a visit to EdLand?  First of all, for now, I am not listing this site as an adult site, in which you'd have to click on a link to prove you are over eighteen.  (With such a vigilant "keeper of the gate" to such websites, how is it even possible that minors are able to wander onto porn sites?)    I'm not quite sure what constitutes an adult site or why I would want to list myself as such.  I am not planning to post naked pictures of myself (to the relief of us all) or of anybody else (awwwww!)  I also feel that, to list myself as such, all but invites any discourse (social intercourse?) to deteriorate into wild-eyed free for alls of randy descriptions of body parts and their functions.  And I just won't have that!  (Unless they are really sexy.)

Why do I all of a sudden feel like Sam the Eagle from "The Muppets?"

What I do want for the site is a place to post the things I have to say and perhaps get a little feedback.  I hope to work on answers to life's burning questions.  Is there such a thing as "human nature," and, if so, what does it consist of?  How will the rise of globalization affect the future of this country?  Is Fergie really "Fergalicious?"  (The answer is YES!  Especially in that truncated girl scout uniform!)  

So again, Welcome to EdLand.  Get comfortable.  Relax.  Take your shoes off.  (Cough.  Cough.)  Put your shoes back on.  And thanks for tuning in.

--The management